Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Heissatopia Street

The word of the day is "manipulation." Elmo wants you to say manipulation. If you do not say manipulation Elmo will scream and yell and threaten to disown you. How can you resist such a cute, furry monster? Elmo is only a little monster and cannot know everything, so you should say manipulation with Elmo and then give Elmo a cookie, otherwise Elmo will hate you forever. Say man-ip-u-la-tion. Say it! Say it, now! And then read me a story while I eat the cookie that I conned you into giving me. Or else.


*****

Tell you a story, you say? Well, what terrible piece of literature should I read for you today? Oh, here's one: Grouchy Tales.

Once upon a grouchy time in a grouchy land not too far away there was a grouchy girl who lived with her grouchy mom and grouchy sister. They left the house for a grouchy visit to their Grandparents in order to ward off the grouchy mother's impending emotional breakdown. As soon as they started down the street it started to rain, hard. They grouchily made their way through the wind and rain and thunder and lightening until Grandpa picked them up in his car.

This made them a little less grouchy, but only a little.

They had a good visit with their Grandparents in spite of their grouchiness but when they came home the garage door broke and they had to fix it and then the grouchy girls didn't want to get ready for bed and that made the grouchy mom grouchier.

"Scratch my back!" demanded the eldest grouch.

"Feed me!" screamed the grouchy baby.

"Scratch my back and my tummy at the same time while rocking me and singing me lullabies!" challenged the grouchy girl.

"Seriously?" asked the grouchy mommy.

"Yes! And where's my ice water? You forget to close the closet door and turn on the lamp! Cover me up! Find my favourite doll! I need socks! Put them on my feet for me! No, you do it!"

Finally the grouchy mom had had enough and she yelled, "That's it! I'm through! I don't want to hear from either of you until the morning!" and she stormed out of the bedroom.

And they all lived grouchily ever after.

The end.

That was a good story, wasn't it, Slimey?

Uhhh, Slimey?

Where's Slimey?

*****

Hi! This is *burp* Big Bird. I don't know where Slimey went...so I guess I'll just have to tell you myself that today was brought to you by the letter E for "Eeeeeek!" and by the number 17 (because there're only seventeen left to go until Daddy comes home, not that anyone is counting...except for The Count).

*****


Seventeen! Seventeen days until Daddy comes home! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! *thunderclap*

*****

Now, SCRAM!

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry your day was so crummy.

    That being said, this post is probably in my top ten of yours. :)

    ReplyDelete