Monday, May 30, 2016

It will never end

We had dinner at the bishop's house tonight (only the bishop wasn't there because he was out bishoping, so his wife was left to host all on her own (thank you)). We ate food, we played games, we visited. The kids played outside and inside and were having a great time...and then Benjamin disappeared. I sent Miriam to go find him; she returned to report that he was in the bathroom and needed help.

I had already drawn the short straw and was holding Zoë on my lap while playing Scum, so I sent Andrew to go check on him.

Turns out he'd pooped his pants, majorly.

He's three years, eleven months, and 27 days old and I honestly cannot wait for this to stop.

Every time I think he's finally potty trained, he goes and does something like this.

Usually I have extra clothes in my diaper bag for him but I must have not replenished my stash after the last time he needed extra clothes (not always for pooping; sometimes just for splashing in puddles) and all I had was a t-shirt for him. I did, however, have several diapers for Zoë.

Benjamin got to wear one of those. He was mortified for a few minutes and hid himself in the basement but later lost all sense of shame and joined everyone upstairs for ice cream.

Before I let him eat I made him have a chat with me. He answered every question I asked him with "I dunno," until I threatened to not let him have any ice cream at all and then I started getting serious answers.


"What do you do if you're at someone's house and you need to go potty?" I asked.

"You go potty," he said.

"That's right," I said. "Where?"

"In the potty."

"Yes," I said, "But what if you don't know where the potty is? Then what do you do?"

"I dunno," Benjamin said. "Just poop in your pants."

"NO!" I said. "You never poop in your pants. You find Mommy or Daddy and you ask them to help you find the bathroom. Understand?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so tell me. What do you do when you need to go potty but don't know where the bathroom is?"

"You find your parents and ask them for help," he robotically replied.

"That's right. What if you're at someone's house and you need to go potty and Mom and Dad aren't there?"

"Well, then you can just poop in your pants."

"NO! You never poop in your pants. You find someone—anyone—and tell them that you need help finding the bathroom. You could have asked anyone here and they would have either told you where the bathroom was or would have helped you find it. You never go in your pants."

Later Zoë had a messy diaper so I changed that one to give Andrew a break from bodily excrement (everyone needs a break from bodily excrement every once in a while), but I didn't mind doing that half as much because she's only 1 year and 1 week old.

Benjamin better be gearing up to be soooooooo nice to me when I'm an old lady.

(I'm serious, Ben—you'd better take such good care of me because potty training you has been the absolute worst).

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