Benjamin talks (and talks and talks) in church

Benjamin spoke in sacrament meeting for the first time today. 

He began writing his talk a few weeks ago...as a punishment. I'll share the story because he quite openly shared it with my mom this evening. Honestly, I had entirely forgotten what I'd been punishing him for—only that I had been quite livid about whatever it was and the punishment was to go to his room and...think about his upcoming talk. When he said why, I was like, "Oh, yeah!!"

Here's the scoop:

A few weeks ago, Benjamin, Alexander, and Reed had been playing in the backyard, but for whatever reason suddenly decided the backyard was "mid" and they were going to find something else to do. They were walking into the front yard and Benjamin spotted our new see-saw and started running toward it. 

In his mind, he had the idea that he and Reed could spin around and have a mighty fine time together. 

He snagged the first seat and, of course, landed with a plop on the ground, leaving the other seat up high in the air. 

Alexander saw this and figured he could take the other seat, so he took a great running start across the yard before hurling his seven-year-old body up into the air, grabbing onto that seat, and hoisting himself up so that he could see-saw with Benjamin.

Benjamin was upset by this because he had planned on see-sawing with Reed, not Alexander. 

So he stood up and let Alexander fall to the ground very rapidly—THUD!

And then...

AND THEN...jumped up into the air...and slammed back down on his own seat.

THUD went Benjamin into the ground.

POOF went Alexander flying into the air.

Benjamin essentially catapulted Alexander across the yard. 

The screams that child made were other-worldly. He was hurt, he was embarrassed, he was confused, he was hurt (did I say that last one already?). He was fine, but, man...I was livid...when I found out what happened. 

"What happened?" I asked, having run outside to see whether or not an ambulance was required.

"Alexander fell off the see-saw."

"I DID NOT FAAAAAAAAAAALL OFF THE SEE-SAW!!!"

Long story short, I told Reed it was probably best if he headed home while I got to the bottom of things because it sounded like Benjamin would be coming inside for a while and that Alexander needed, like, a medical examination or something. 

When we finally got the story out of the two of them I was, as I said, livid. We talked with Benjamin about how unfair it was that he made a decision in his mind about what would happen next and then punished Alexander for not reading his mind. In Benjamin's mind Alexander had stolen Reed's spot...but no one could have known about this because Benjamin said nothing to anybody. Even Reed was calmly walking toward the see-saw...like...he didn't know it was supposed to be his turn. 

Not voicing our expectations can be dangerous when we expect people to meet those invisible expectations. In short: he had no right to treat his brother that way. And also...even if he did have cause for frustration with his brother, his behaviour was way out of line. 

So...he was sent to his room to think about his talk and reflect on his behaviour. 

And he actually ended up with a pretty decent draft!

We revisited it last night to flush some ideas out and edit other parts down. Here is more or less what he said...

Good morning everyone! My name is Benjamin Heiss and a couple of things that I like doing are D&D, LEGO, and video games. I am 12 years old and soon to be thirteen. I was asked to talk about how we all have an important role to play in God's kingdom. In section 25 of the Doctrine and Covenants, Emma Smith asked what she could do to help in the restoration of the church. God's reply is that she can comfort Joseph through hard times  and compile a book of hymns. Even though that seemed insignificant, it helped create the church. God also said that Emma Smith was an “elect lady,” which means that she was called just like you or me to help with the church. 

In first Corinthians 12:21 it states “the eye cannot say to the hand I have no need of you nor can the head say to the feet I have no need of you.” This means that the human body needs every bit of it to survive and function well, so Emma compiling hymns was just as important as Joseph translating The Book of Mormon. We all do things to help the church function, be it passing the sacrament or watching over the kids in nursery. It's all important to God. 

If we don’t do our jobs everything could collapse, like in Dr Seuss’s “Yertle the Turtle.” In this story, the turtle king Yertle decides he needs his throne to be bigger so he commands all his subjects to sit on his throne with him at the top. It was working until Max, the turtle at the bottom, burps and everything comes crashing down. Yertle the turtle also did not pay attention to the well-being of his subjects. In the book, Max keeps complaining that the turtles at the bottom were tired and starving and that their shells would crack soon. Yertle dismisses this and orders more turtles for his throne. He felt like only his wants and needs were important and not anyone else’s. But everyone is important to the Lord and every job is important to the Lord, too. The Lord has promised that it is by small and simple things that great things are brought to pass (Alma 37:6). 

D&C section 4 says that if anyone “desires to serve God [they] are called to the work.” It then encourages us to thrust in our sickle with all of our might. In my house, something my parents say a lot is, “DO WHAT YOU CAN DO.” They say this when we are, like, bossing each other around instead of doing any work ourselves, or when we feel like a task is way too hard. Sometimes we don’t want to start doing something because we feel there are hard things coming up. For example, my baby sister Phoebe doesn’t like to start putting away the clean dishes if she sees something in the dishwasher that goes up high…because she can’t put that thing away. It’s like she turns blind to everything else in the dishwasher and she instead obsesses over the one thing she can’t do. My parents remind her to “do what she can do.” The same thing is true in the church. 

By doing what we can do—by thrusting in our sickle—we’re furthering God’s work. We don’t have to do everything. We don’t even have to do anything big. But we each have something we can do. I bear my testimony that I know the church is true and that we all have an important role in God's kingdom, and that working together will help us create a Zion-like community. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

I made him practice reading it a few times last night so we could work on pacing and enunciation and he was doing pretty well. But then his face fell. 

"Oh, no."

"What?" I asked. 

"I..."

"What?"

"I...am...supposed to teach the lesson tomorrow."

Folks—it was about 10:00 pm. We have 9:00 am church. But...we pulled out the Come Follow Me manual and got to work putting together a lesson.

I suggested that he start his lesson with a pop quiz (since his talk topic came directly from Come Follow Me as well). So we came up with some quiz.

Match the individual with their description:

Doctor Seuss
Emma Smith
Phoebe Heiss
Joseph Smith
Mack the Turtle

_____ This individual compiled the first hymn book of the church.

_____  This individual is tasked with emptying the dishwasher at my house.

_____ This individual wrote Yertle the Turtle.

_____ This individual burps in Yertle the Turtle.

_____ This individual translated The Book of Mormon.

True or False:

  T  |  F    You are better than the person to your left.

  T  |  F    You should thrust in your pickle with your might.

  T  |  F    If you have desires to serve God, you are called to the work.

  T  |  F    The Heiss parents are known to say, “Do what you can’t do.”

  T  |  F    We all have an important role to play in God’s Kingdom.

Then we talked about many of the topics in Come Follow Me for the week. When I started writing things out, Benjamin said, "I appreciate you helping me with this, but...can we do it my way instead of your way?"

"Well...what's your way?"

"It's more, like, a D&D campaign, I think."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't want to write everything out. I just want to make, like, a bulleted list and...ad lib...the rest."

Wow! Yeah! That is very different from my method of doing anything (aside from ad lib games, which I always rocked at in my theater classes, which is quizzical because I do not excel at ad libbing in real life), but I mean...like, "Sure, yeah. We can do that. Ummm...how do we start?"

So we opened a collaborative document and made a bulleted list together. He really wanted to do the marshmallow segment (Alexander and Zoë did that in their class, too), but anyone in our house who has studied psychology (Rachel, Miriam, me) or management (Andrew) in college knows that particular study is much more nuanced than we often talk about that so...did I make Benjamin listen to a lecture and read through multiple articles explaining the nuance of the marshmallow study? Absolutely—but it still worked with his lesson. He simply talked about how we can trust Heavenly Father will deliver on those marshmallows rather than on patiently waiting for better things (because so often systemic issues masquerade as individual failings and eating a marshmallow when you're four-years-old is not a sign of moral failing).

Here's Benjamin's lesson outline (things like "investigation check" and "history check" are D&D jargon...apparently):

• Get scriptures out

• Go to scriptures (see list below) and highlight words that feel either comforting or encouraging:

• Doctrine and Covenants 24:1–3

• Doctrine and Covenants 24:8

• Doctrine and Covenants 121:7–8

• Isaiah 40:28–31

• Mosiah 24:14–15

• Write them down on the board (investigation check basically)

• Discuss

• Watch the marshmallow video

• March 17–23: “Seek for the Things of a Better World”: Doctrine and Covenants 23–26 (also linked to trust)

• What does this video have to do with the comforting words that we found earlier (history check basically). TALK ABOUT IT! Brainstorm! Discuss it! 

• Talk about how the Lord can comfort and help you during your afflictions.

• CHALLENGE the marshmallow test. 

• Recent studies have shown that the marshmallow test is linked to socioeconomic status. Children who trusted that adults could or would deliver the second marshmallow tended to wait. Children who did not trust that adults would deliver a second marshmallow tended to eat the marshmallow right away. Basically, children who were better off financially tended to show more self-control than children who had less opportunity in their lives.
• What does THAT mean for us and our faith?
• How can we trust that the Lord will deliver marshmallows?
• (He has delivered in the past so why stop now?)
• How can we develop relationships with each other in our quorum?
• DISCUSS DUTY OF PASSING THE SACRAMENT
• How can we strengthen relationships in our family and ward?

• When have you been comforted by the Lord? 

• Doctrine and Covenants 90:24: “Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly
• Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.”
• 2 Nephi 2:2: “Nevertheless, Jacob, my firstborn in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.”
• On the back of the quiz, make a list of times you’ve been comforted by the Lord.

• How do you know you can trust in the Lord?

• On the back of the quiz, make a list of times you've been comforted by the Lord

• Make a list of times you’ve prayed. Make a list of times the Lord has answered your prayers.

• Share! Discuss

• Circling back to my talk and the pop quiz, who compiled the hymn book and why? The answer is in D&C 25. 

• Verses 11–12: “And it shall be given thee, also, to make a selection of sacred hymns, as it shall be given thee, which is pleasing unto me, to be had in my church. For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads.”

• Why does the Lord like us singing?

• How is singing like a prayer?

• Did any songs come into your mind during our lesson today?

• Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel

• Have I Done Any Good?

• A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief

• Kindness Begins with Me (K)

• I’m Trying to Be Like Jesus

• Bear my testimony

His lesson apparently went well. We brought all the deacons (and teachers—four boys in total) home with us after church so they could check on the tadpoles and romp around in the woods and build with LEGO...and they all said they enjoyed his lesson. I'm sure he did a wonderful job and I'm proud of him for working so hard at things...sometimes weeks in advance...and other times at the last minute. 

*****

Updated to add: I don't know why his list is formatted like that. I fixed a few things...but I'm tired and need to go to bed. I'm sure you get the gist of it. 

I just wanted to say that he even ad libbed the beginning of his talk and made a little remark warning everyone that he was also teaching in the next hour so anyone coming to his class had better pay attention. That got a few laughs. 

He's a good kid!

You know...when he's not...like...catapulting other children across the yard.