Childhood games

We had some friends sleep over last night and they've been playing here all day. We started at the pool, where I ended up playing with Phoebe (the poor youngest child). She wanted to play "family," as she ordinarily does, and that's fine. I'm very familiar with the game "family."

We have one little baby doll (Baby Dora for the past 12 or 13 years, but suddenly Baby Anastasia, which is much fancier, don't you agree?) that we use in the pool. And then we set out the sinky rings to use as dishes and cook up a good meal, pulling ingredients magically from the water. Sinky sticks are for stirring. Reusable balloons are eggs. 

We just...bake a lot of stuff...take care of the baby...and take many trips out to sea...or have sunset picnics...

Phoebe will narrate the whole thing, which is usually fine. But today there was another family with young children at the pool playing close by and I began to feel self-conscious about how awkward Phoebe's speech patterns become when she plays this game.

"'Mother, will you hold my head while I attempt a back float?' I ask," she'll say. 

Or, "I say, 'This recipe needs three eggs, not four.'"

Or, "What time will the sun set?' I ask. 'We should set up the picnic,' I say." 

But she includes that little "I say" or "I ask" in every sentence she utters...because she's not really saying that or asking that. Her character is saying. She's just the narrator. 

I can tell it sounds strange to hear a small child speak like that because we definitely got a few weird looks. But that's okay because it's her go-to game at the pool and it keeps her entertained for literal hours. 

I boldly stated that I'm very familiar with the game. I am. 

But that does not mean I'm very good at it. I do quite well if I play along with precisely what Phoebe dictates...but then all of a sudden she'll say, "Now it's your turn to say something!"

"What?" I'll ask, taken aback by the mere prospect about being allowed to creatively contribute to our quasi-collaborative play.

"You say something about the game! It's your turn!"

"Okay," I'll say. "Let's go to the park."

"No!" Phoebe will say. "There is no park at this picnic! We can't do that! Why don't you say, 'Let's open the picnic basket.'?"

"Okay."

"Say it!"

"Let's...open the picnic basket."

"Great idea!"

So...she can get a bit bossy. 

But, anyway, that's not really what this post is about. I actually sat down to write about a childhood rhyme. It begins like this:

First, the worst.

And then it keeps going for a while. 

Our little friend sang it to Phoebe when they were about to start a game because this little friend wanted to go first (and, like Phoebe, can get a little bossy about things). 

"Because—remember, Phoebe—it's first the worst...second the best!"

Weird, I thought. 

"Third is the one with the hairy chest..."

What?! I thought. 

"Fourth the one with the treasure chest..."

She's still going?!

"Fifth the one..."

What is even happening?!

"...with the wedding dress! So It's actually better to be second. I wouldn't want to be third though. Zoë, that's you."

Ahem. As I said—a little bossy at times. 

But that's okay. And not really the point of this post either. 

The point is...do you know this rhyme?

It is well documented on The Internets (see, for example, here and here and even here*) but I have never heard it this way before (and by that, I mean that I have never heard any of the variations on any of those forums). 

I always sang, "First the worst, second the same, last the best of all the game!"

Admittedly, I do have some memories of chanting about a nerd with a golden bird (for third, of course), but the default rhyme was always, "First the worst, second the same, last the best of all the game!"

When I search for that, AI immediately tells me that I must be thinking of the classic playground taunt that goes "First the worst, second the best, third the one with the hairy chest!" 

But that's just one more bit of evidence that AI gets things wrong all the time because I am not thinking about that rhyme at all. I want to learn about "First the worst, second the same..."

Aside from Google's lousy, lazy AI Overview (tell me how you really feel), Google tells me that there are no results found for "first the worst, second the same."

No results?! 

Is this some sort of Mandela Effect? 

Because Andrew says he also remembers a "best of all the game" being in there.

Wait, wait, wait! When I search for that ("best of all the game") AI Overview tells me that "first the worst, second the same, last the best of all the game!" is also classic playground rhyme (though it is not as excited about this rhyme as it is about the hairy chest one). It offers me these few examples of the rhyme in the wild:

An random instagram post.

A tribute to Michael Bryson's grandmother (sorry for your loss, Dr. Bryson).

The actual results also yield this wiki page to New England rhymes and a little perusal script of Carol Lynn Pearson's My Turn on Earth, which uses the "best of all the game" rhyme verbatim to my memory.

And if Carol Lynn Pearson remembers that rhyme then it must be true! 

(And I imagine it is thus probably the version most common in the Jell-O belt, but honestly can't say for certain because I didn't experience childhood in the United States...in or out of the Jell-O belt...so I just don't know what kids actually say).

But I do know that I said the "first the worst, second the same" version...along with many others. 

So why when I search for it is The Internet so intent on not remembering "first the worst, second the same, last the best of all the game"? Because when I search for that entire phrase I'm told that I must be thinking of "first the worst, second the best..." and I'm not! 

And there are results for that phrase because I found them...weird.

* This "Mama Lisa's World" post actually has a couple people in the comments rooting for the "best of all the game" version, so I know I'm not alone there!