I don't know why he thought they'd go to bed.
It's late July in Southern Alberta. The sun even doesn't think about setting until around 9:45 PM so those children had no indication from the universe that it should be bedtime (and why should they trust their father about a thing like that?). Soon enough (like in December) the universe will be telling them it's bedtime by 4:00 in the afternoon...perhaps he'll have an easier time then.
On the other hand, I'll bet he didn't take them to the pool for four hours in the middle of the day (like I did today). That somehow doesn't guarantee my kids will be worn out at the end of the day, but it sometimes works to shorten bedtime shenanigans.
I didn't tell him anything, though.
I just "laughed" at his video—the kids are cute even if they're driving him crazy.
My mom, though, simply told him that parenting is...hard...
And that is absolutely true.
*****
We lasted two days without swim team to keep us busy before I threw in the towel and told the kids to get started on their math curriculum. Very technically we are still "on break," since I don't have the wherewithal to start homeschooling full time right now, but the kids needed something to do besides wrestle each other and since they couldn't come up with anything I instituted Math Hour.
Their curriculums are of the the "all-in-one", "open-and-go" variety so I don't have to think through lesson planning, really. I just have to supervise and help them work through things when they get stuck.
Alexander and I had a wonderful conversation about faces, edges, and vertices over breakfast this morning.
And that was just so much better than me hollering at the kids to knock it off before someone needs stitches (because sometimes their wildness leads to stitches, as Zoë can attest).
Anyway, when I first called a family meeting to tell the kids we were starting up "Math Hour," I explained to them a phenomenon of infant development, which is that fussy babies are often simply craving a Big New Skill. They want to use their brain. They want to master something. They want more from life.
I understand that sometimes babies can fuss for other reasons (like, Rosie's Dean was just fussy because he had an ear infection and she hadn't realized). Most of my kids had colic, which was really GERD (sometimes diagnosed, sometimes not), and they were very often miserable and would scream long into the night and it was...in a word...dreadful. But also they would get even fussier right before rolling over or crawling or pulling to stand. It was like their brain could not turn off until they figured out how to do the thing (so sleep wasn't even an option).
I like how The WonderWeeks explained this phenomenon:
The first phase of every baby leap is known as the “fussy” phase. This phase is clearly dominated by the “3 C’s”: crying, clinginess and crankiness. There is a reason for the fussy phase – babies don’t cry out of the blue. They are upset. Their brains undergo a sudden and drastic change, thus also changing the way they perceive the world around them. These 3 C’s are the calling card for each leap.
.......
Because your baby is crying and clingy [or, you know, chasing each other around the house wielding scissors (this, uh, actually happened)] during the fussy phase, as a parent you will often automatically pay more attention to your baby: you want to know what’s going on [and you probably also want them to put the scissors down]. As a result, you will notice more quickly that your baby suddenly knows more and is able to do a lot more than you expect. Your baby will suddenly attempt to do things you’d never seen it do before. Your baby has made a leap in it’s development! This is the phase that parents anticipate most eagerly: the skills phase. This phase starts around the end of the fussy phase or just after its peak. At this stage, your baby has overcome the shock of the “new world” that is opening up to it. Your baby is now starting to discover the new world.
Now, I'll warrant that the fussy/skills cycle likely plays out differently in childhood (or adolescence or adulthood—for example, I would say the crankiness comes from craving something new rather than having suddenly undergone a "drastic change"), but I would argue that it is still present. So I told my kids that the reason they can think of nothing else to do besides run around the house like hooligans (hurting each other and driving everyone crazy) is because they are craving something—a challenge.
And since they seemed incapable of thinking of a way to channel that desire for challenge or creativity or skill cultivation into anything productive (i.e. not endlessly wrestling...I mean, a little wrestling is fine but it was seriously getting out of hand), I would provide an outlet for them, and that outlet was going to be math, and they were very, very welcome.
And, honestly, things have been much better around here since then...so the theory holds!
Frustrated people often just need a little extra attention from someone else, whether it's cheering them on to roll over or a discussion about what qualifies as a face, edge, or vertex.
Kids might want to hold your hand (for now) while they're balancing on the curb (or, as Phoebe calls it "the curve") but all too soon they'll be off on their own adventures, texting and calling in spurts depending on whether they're in a fussy stage or a skills stage. They just need to know that you're still there while they're off conquering the world.
*****
We leave for Qatar in fourteen days. It's exciting and scary.
I already warned Andrew that although I'm looking forward to this adventure, I will probably complain about some things and he's just going to have to deal with that because...we are moving to Qatar...and that sounds like the kind of thing that's likely to throw me into a "fussy" phase.
And the kids might get fussy.
And even he might get fussy.
But we'll all just...work together...to do this thing we've never done, trying to balance comfort with growth.
Baby steps....
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