Phoebe Snoozy/Phoebe Spritely

Phoebe continues to be a very sleepy baby, for which I'm ultimately grateful even if it does make me nervous sometimes. She still manages to make me feel completely worn out and wakes up every few hours to eat, but at least I know that nap time usually isn't far off.

Today I was fretting about whether she'd ever manage to meet her milestones because she was in such a snoozy mood all day long. All I saw her do today (and probably for the past couple of days) is fuss & feed, fuss & feed. I could not get her to engage in alert time at all. I might think she was up for a while but then I'd do something crazy like put her on her stomach for tummy time and...

A winter storm

The storm is raging all around us now.

The sky—strobing pink and purple—
Is turning on and off again—
Dark and light, dark and light
—is thrumming on a timpani, rattling cymbals.
Thick, juicy rain offers a long
And drizzly standing ovation,
Calls for an encore. Encore!

Noticing that a storm was in the forecast, Zoë and Alexander made a list so they could be ready for the storm. I just dug it out of the recycling bin, so pardon all the creases.

Book announcement

On December 30, 2019 I sent my book proposal to BCC Press and was shocked to hear back the very next day that they were interested in publishing it. I was originally told it would likely be published in the fall, which was fine with me. I wanted to spend more time with my manuscript, anyway! But then—in case you live under a rock and weren't aware—the world became embroiled in a pandemic and everyone got very busy coping with...life...and supply shortages...and illness...and so forth. So the timeline for publication kept being pushed back and back and back. From August 2020...to October 2020...to January 2021...to...

Honestly, I just stopped asking about it.

And I stopped telling people about it, too, because I never knew what to tell them. 

But late December brought a flurry of book publication activity—from cover design to marketing to I-really-need-to-finish-going-over-my-manuscript-one-more-time—and my book is being released on January 4, 2022. 

I almost feel a little silly about it, honestly, since the book deals with the intersection of grief over Karen's death and grief over the fleeting nature of motherhood and...though we will forever be grieving Karen (as Andrew Garfield once said, and which my sister Josie reminded me of today after she finished reading my manuscript, “This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other, no matter if someone lives till 60, 15, or 99") I have kind of renewed my lease on motherhood, having just had another baby. 

I already am finding the "last time" emotions to be difficult, even though I've done them before, so perhaps publishing this book will help me work through them again. And poor Phoebe, of course, isn't mentioned in the book at all. So perhaps I will work on a new set of poems that include her. 

Anyway, I'm excited and scared for the book to come out. I've always wanted to be an author. But now that it's come down to it, I'm scared to have anyone read what I've written. 

That's why I sent my manuscript to Josie (I needed someone to read it and tell me nice things). 

I had a few early readers—author friends and non-author friends alike, all wonderful—who said some very nice things about my book and gave me some helpful ideas on how to make it better (some of which they'll find I implemented—thanks, friends!—and some of which they'll find I ignored—sorry, friends). And I loved the love I got from them and the development that came through talking about my manuscript with them.

But I had one author-acquaintance that I sent my manuscript to who did not have very much to say about my book at all. They didn't say anything mean but I could also tell they were struggling to find anything nice to say. And that was hard and has definitely had me thinking twice about this collection of poems over the past year, but only in the back of my mind because I've had so much else going on and because I wasn't sure my project was ever going to wind its way through the publication pipeline. 

But now it has and I'm really nervous about it. 

But, just tonight a Twitter friend was talking about the exact topic of my book (the fleeting nature of motherhood and how unprepared I felt for that as a mother) so I feel like while my book definitely won't be for everyone (which no book really is), it will at least be for someone (as all books are). So I'll just have to take a deep breath and let people read it, I guess. 

Here's a sneak peek of the cover:

I think it's beautiful! Christian Harrison designed it, Brooke did the sketch of the woman (and the illustrations). Andrew, of course, typeset the inside of the book. I wrote the words. 

The words are both accurate and not. Many poems are based on experiences I've had or people I've known. Some experiences are exaggerated or embellished or downplayed or downright imaginary. But largely, I think, the poems are true. They're the truest poems I know (to paraphrase Hemingway). 

Yard progress

This might be the first time I can say this without waxing hyperbolic, but tomorrow we're having tons of mulch delivered to our house. Two-point-eight tons, to be precise. 

Today Andrew, Benjamin, and Miriam spent the afternoon spreading a weed barrier on a couple levels of the front yard after the landscaping people laid down sod on the top and bottom level. It was gently raining all day, so the mud was incredibly slick and they all ended up looking like mud-people (as well as Zoë and Alexander, who weren't really helping but were just sliding around outside). It will be good to get some mulch in there so things aren't quite as muddy. 

And then we have to decide what kind of plants we want to put in. I've been looking at some "walkable" groundcovers (also here) since we know we don't want to have to mow all of these terraces. But there's time for that.

Andrew's a little worried about tomorrow's weather; he was hoping it would be nice out so that he and the older kids could really dig in and get the job done...but I'm not sure we'll be quite so lucky. We're currently under a tornado watch...in December! I can hear thunder rolling ever closer in the distance as the storm is closing in, and it's supposed to rain all day tomorrow. We'll see what we can get done.

I, of course, will entertaining the wee ones. I feel good enough, I think, to pitch in...but it would be ridiculous to get that muddy and messy only to have to get cleaned up to change a diaper or feed the baby...so...I'm on kid duty for now. And that's fine. 

We'll get the yard looking nice somehow or other, I'm sure.

That 70s Baby

This isn't the first time I've popped Phoebe into this outfit, but it is the first time I took a picture of her in it before she had to be changed out of it (we go through a lot of outfits over here).

A dedicated cleaner

We are having some beautiful weather right now, which perhaps doesn't bode well for climate change over all, though Atlanta doesn't typically see a lot of snow, anyway. 

Some older neighbours were telling us today that this warm of weather was unusual and that they used to often have White Christmases here, but I think they're misremembering because the Atlanta-area really only sees snow once or twice a year, if at all. According to Wikipedia, it was only in 2010 that "Atlanta had its first White Christmas since 1882 and 1883!" 

So...I'd say that white Christmases are pretty unusual for the area! We counted last year's skiff as a White Christmas but that was just a dusting of snow.

Anyway, I do worry about climate change, but I don't mind having warmer winter weather (especially in the south where warmer winter weather isn't all that unusual). The kids were really hoping (and literally praying) for a White Christmas, but it wasn't to be...at least not here...though other places got to have a White Christmas! The kids have been playing outside in shorts and t-shirts all this week. 

On Christmas Eve we sent them outside to play and they stayed out there for a little while before they began to show signs that they intended to come inside. They were too hot. They needed a drink. They needed a snack. They needed to change their shoes. There was nothing to do out there. They were bored. It's too muddy. It's too sunny. It's too windy. They're all out of energy...

Finally I told them that they could come inside but, if they did, they would have to do chores. After all, we had to get ready for Christmas!

Even that didn't deter them. They came inside and willingly started on chores. 

Pretty soon the doorbell rang. It was some neighbours dropping off treats. 

"And I want to know if Big Zoë can play!" said Little Zoey (because that's how the cul-de-sac children distinguish between the two—Zoë, a big girl of six years, and Zoey, who is merely Alexander's age). 

"I can't!" Zoë said, coming to the door. "I have to do chores!"

"Oh, she can too play," I said. "She's only doing chores because she came inside from being outside. What I really want is for the kids to be outside."

"But we have to get ready for Christmas!" Zoë objected. "We can't stop cleaning now! I will come outside after I finish my chores!"

The kids ended up doing a great job with their chores and then also spent quite a lot of time playing outside, which was a win-win situation for me.

Christmas Morning

 Phoebe was not the first one up on Christmas morning.

I guess the little kids got up around 8:00 and then woke up the bigger kids and they all just "played" in the basement until Andrew, Phoebe, and I finished getting up. I texted Rachel around 8:30 to let her know we were on our way...just waiting to finish feeding and changing Phoebe. 

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve somehow ended up being a busy day in spite of not really having much to do. The little kids were all so excited they could hardly contain themselves, which made for some interesting personality dynamics (one talked nonstop the whole day (Benjamin), one got really aggressive (Zoë), and one kept running into things and getting hurt (Alexander)). Despite their often conflicting personalities, they kept each other entertained for most of the day. 

Here they are having a pretend Christmas Eve feast:

In the middle of the night...

Alexander is in the habit of waking up in the middle of the night for no other reason other than to check on things and get a little extra love. He routinely gets up around midnight just to say hi before putting himself back to bed. I've been "dealing" with it for months now, since my "office" is on the same floor as his bedroom. Not that it's a difficult thing to deal with; in fact, it's rather cute and endearing. 

A few nights ago he stumbled into my room to tell me a joke.

"What's up, buddy?" I asked.

Usually all he wants is a hug but on this particular evening he said, "I have a joke."

"You have...a joke?" I asked. 

"Yes. Why did the sheep cross the road?"

"I don't know," I said. "Why?"

"To get to the baaaaarber shop," he said.

I gave him a little chuckle. It was a good joke.

"That's all," he said. "Good night." 

"Good night," I said and with that he turned around and put himself back to bed. 

So, you see, it isn't particularly difficult to deal with Alexander in the middle of the night. 

Christmas Piano Recital

We started working on Christmas music months ago but then the children's piano teacher (me) went and had a baby and she (me) has been on maternity leave, so they haven't had formal lessons the last five weeks and practicing has been only so-so. But they still wanted (with a little prodding from me) to do a little recital. We went super low-key this year, with some of the kids already in pyjamas, but it's what we could muster this year:

Alexander insisted on taking part, so we let him sing a song at the end (but which shows up first in the video). He started out singing Silent Night and then switched to Little Star but then couldn't remember the words. I was nodding vigorously at him when he was trying to sing "news" but he still wasn't quite sure that was right. And he was right that it wasn't quite right because it should be "joyous news." But that's okay. He was spot on for his little four-year-old self.

Zoë had also prepared Deck the Halls and wanted to play that, but since that was the only song Benjamin felt he really had ready to perform we decided to let him have the spotlight there. They both did wonderfully with their pieces. 

And Miriam played a fun organ piece (that she also played during sacrament meeting on Sunday); it's an arrangement of Angels We Have Heard On High by Richard Elliot. It sounded much more exciting on the church organ than it does on our organ at home, but she plays it beautifully wherever she plays it.

Rachel didn't quite get her assigned pieces prepared so she opted out of this year's recital, unfortunately.