Sunday, December 13, 2015

Heiss Holiday Humbug 2015

For once I have very little to say in my preamble, so we'll get straight to the good stuff: our Christmas letter is finally here!

You can download a PDF of the newsletter here or catch the text-only version below the jump.


This year was great but it’s finished, kaput;
It’s time to give two thousand fifteen the boot.

The New Year was rung at our grandparents’ house
(Severely afflicted by hand-foot-and mouth).
Leaving cold weather and sickness behind us
We made our way back home to the Carolinas.

Those in the south can be melodramatic
About winter weather. Forsooth, ‘twas traumatic.
One-eighth of an inch can cause panic! Although
There was one severe storm worth writing about—
The snow raged with thunder, the power went out.

Enough of the weather. Let’s talk about me!
...Or Rachel, who’s eight, and has started grade three.
She’s still playing soccer, to no one’s surprise,
And after her birthday she done got baptized.
She’s a fine older sister, my biggest assistant,
At diaper changing she’s become quite proficient.
Miriam’s wisdom surpassed all her peers.
Tedium drove this girl nigh unto tears;
She started the school year in kindergarten
But just five weeks later she moved to grade one,
No hardship at all for our congenial miss.
Making new friends, for Mimi, is bliss.
Benjamin’s three and he never sits still;
Day in and day out it’s a battle of wills.
Will he get his way or will I get mine?
Probably he will; that’s perfectly fine.
His childhood, lately, seems to be fleeting
In wake of a new one who’s constantly eating.

The new one is Zoë; she joined us in May
And like it or not, she’s here, now, to stay,
A fact some folks relish more than some others
But slowly Zo’s winning the heart of her brother,
Who, clutched in the grasp of extreme jealousy,
Is raising the bar on sibling rivalry.

She’s having the time of her life, you might say,
Getting all of those “first time” things out of the way.
First trip to the beach, first smile, first tooth!
She brings us such joy; she’s a fountain of youth!

In June Andrew left me, with four kids, at home,
While up to New York—Syracuse—he was flown
Grandma helped out; we were perfectly fine.

We drove out to Utah for summer vacation.
Debutante Zoë, the newest relation,
Was blithely adored by our kin and our kith.
We spent our time doing things listed forthwith:
Canoeing, and touring at Temple Square,
Blessings, reunions, all family affairs,
And many more things I won’t bore you with now.

Instead I will tell you guys all about how...
In New Orleans Andrew observed Mardis Gras
(Just kidding—he spoke on societal law).
Then in DC, he took a crash course
On how good design can enforce your research.
Two of his papers, after much alteration,
Are slated, at last, for peer-reviewed publication,
Proving that he’s a collegiate ace.
He’ll graduate soon if he keeps up this pace!
In November my grandmother suddenly passed
And so back to Utah I flew like a flash.
Three transcontinental trips all in one year
Means we’ll be enforcing some measures austere
In the future, but look at the past—
Time well-spent with family; it was a blast!

While not jetting forth betwixt Utah and here
I’ve been acting, again, as room parent this year.
Four years of kids-in-school should have me well-trained
To refrain from enlisting, but you see I’m harebrained.
I’m stressed out right now, planning holiday parties,
But by next year I’ll be like, “Sign up? Well, alrighty!”

Every morning and evening it’s my inclination
To pump off my extra abundant lactation.
Some moms make little, some make much, much more;
I’ve donated one thousand ounces...times four!

What else can I say? On a note cursory,
We’re coming up on our tenth annivers’ry.

It’s been ten happy years since we said our I dos
And I started composing these yuletide haikus
(I admit they’re not haikus; quite far from that form,
But rhymes can elude the most thorough brainstorm.
My father-in-law warned I’d rue this format).

That goose, though—d’ya notice?—is getting quite fat
And so we will tell you, in mode Byzantine,
Христос рождается! Two thousand sixteen
(Hri-stos Razh-dai-et-sya!)
Is full of potential. We send our best wishes,

Good vibes, kindly thoughts, our hugs and our kisses.