Thursday, May 24, 2007

Andrew's Toilet Fetish

By the time Rachel comes along, I'm hoping to have Andrew potty trained. I'm not sure that will happen so my "plan B" is to have him trained by the time she starts getting interested in toilets herself.

See, Andrew has this odd habit of putting things in the toilet; as much fun as that might be, I'm not sure that I want my daughter to pick up this habit.

This morning, Andrew decided that one of the shampoo bottles was empty enough, and it probably was. I tend to keep shampoo bottles until absolutely nothing comes out of them. He was considerate and threw the bottle away, but instead of being a normal person and opening the shower curtain to toss the bottle into the garbage can, he blindly (and haphazardly) threw the shampoo bottle over the curtain in the general direction of the garbage can.

As you can see from the picture, it also happens to be the general direction of the toilet. And, of course, the bottle would end up there instead of the garbage can.

Andrew also has this habit of clipping his toenails over the toilet. I happen to think this is a little gross because at my house growing up we clipped our nails anywhere but over the toilet and then threw the nails away. He balances on the toilet and clips directly into it. I try not to mind an extreme amount but I have a deep and unquenchable feeling of utter nastiness when it comes to it is difficult at times.

Well, one day Andrew was clipping his nails and I hear a "plunk" and not even seconds later an, "Oh, man!" Yes, the nail clippers ended up in the toilet--I made him fish them out.

I suppose I am just hoping that my daughter can learn proper toilet etiquette and not follow the example of her father and drop random things into the toilet, because I'm pretty sure that she'd then try flushing and that could be detrimental.

Like my nephew, Deklan, who would flush his underwear every time he wet his pants so that he wouldn't get in trouble. Covering up his first mistake was probably a bigger mistake and most likely caused more trouble for him than if he had just dealt with his first mistake in the first place, but that's a life lesson that takes some time to learn.

I, on the other hand, learned pretty young that toilets are not fun to play around, and I wasn't even playing. I was innocently using the potty when I inadvertently fell in. My underwear was soaked and so I had to wear my baby sitter's son's underwear. It had Spiderman on it. I was mortified to have to wear boy's underwear and vowed never to fall in the toilet ever again.

Not too many years after that I was playing at my friend Sarah's house and had to use the restroom. I flushed the toilet and it flooded. Aside from scaring me to death, I was, yet again, completely mortified.

With those two incidents combined, I am pretty sure that I suffered from toilet phobia for many years. In fact, I remember being afraid of toilets (and bathrooms) for quite a few years.

Who would have guessed that as a complete toilet-phobe I would marry a toilet-phile?

He asked me out on our first date using a toilet, filled with Almond Joys and a note saying, "I would be overflowing with joy if you'd go to homecoming with me." In return I wrote the most beautiful poem (and returned the toilet...actually, Andrew came to retrieve the toilet) containing the most dreadful potty language, such as, "I would be hapPEE to go with you!"

I suppose I should have taken that little gesture of his as a hint. We even decorated a toilet at our wedding, so of course I should have known that Andrew likes toilets. I walked into this with my eyes wide open.

Hopefully, though, his little fixation will not pass on to our daughter.


  1. I hated toilets too, growing up! I was scared to death of them, especially when flushing. I would delay flushing until the last possible moment so i could flush (as I grew up I became a germ-phobe so I would flush using a piece of TP of course and throw it in really fast as I shut the lid) and run from the bathroom. I hated the noise, I hated the fear that maybe something would come UP from the hole at the bottom... Of course Harry Potter didn't come till later but that just confirmed my fear of toilets and bathrooms and what could be... (and i'm not really even a fan of Haryr Potter!)

    The other thing I hate and fear... are public restrooms! Really, can you think of anything less safe? Maybe, but still, they're scary. I remember on our honeymoon we stopped at this park in Coeur d'Alene and I decided to use the restroom... well, as I went in, I noticed (but not really) that something was odd because the handle was on the outside of the door, instead of on the inside as is normal when the door pushes in to open. I hurried, b/c it was kind of dirty and creepy (like I said, I don't like public restrooms!), but when I came out (or TRIED to come out) there was no handle on the inside, just the little flat piece of metal that should have been on the outside! I panicked. I will admit, I was not thinking logically. I thought someone was trying to trap me in. I had a cell phone... but it was Andy's (mine was in the car OF COURSE) and who could I call? 911? Finally I pulled and pulled on the hinge of the door, way up at the top (wishing I was taller!) and was able to just barely pull the door open. Phew!! I wonder if they've fixed it yet...

  2. Ha, ha! I did something similar, only I never thought of using TP.

    I would stand as far away from the toilet and flush, run to the sink, wash my hands really quick...half-way dry them and then would burst out of the door before the toilet had even finished flushing.

    I not only was afraid of falling in...or having the toilet flood...but I was also afraid of having a rat or a snake or something sewer-like come up.

    And then there was the time we were in CA visiting Auntie Arlene...we were on the beach watching a movie with the YSA and decided to take a trip to the ladies room. We had to go together because it was dark and scary.

    On the way to the bathroom, she told me about how a little boy was murdered in that very bathroom a few years ago. Somehow that didn't make me feel very good about using that bathroom and I was just glad that Auntie Arlene was going with me.

  3. It's good to know we're not alone in our toilet-phobia, isn't it? :) Maybe we should start a support group...

    So guess what? I completely forgot that you are going to name your baby Rachel, and as I was doing my dishes today, I was thinking about this book that I am reading where they name a baby Rachel, and it reminded me of how I when I was little I decided to name one of my children Rachel Colleen (after Sis. Woodruff from my home ward, and of course, my mom), and I was like "yeah, I love that name! Rachel is such a cute name!" So I was going to tell Andy when he got home that we need to add Rachel to our list of names we like (see, we keep this list of names so someday when we have need for it we can either pick one, or laugh at the names we used to like). And then I checked your blog and as I scrolled down to this one, "Rachel" popped out and I remembered that that's what you're naming YOUR daughter! We haven't had a baby soon enough!! :)

    Another name I decided I liked today is "Asher" because I was reading the OT institute manual, and it said that Asher means something to do with happy, anyways, I thought "that's a cool name for a boy." Then I remembered that Andy's cousin just had a little boy they named Asher...

  4. Aww...Michelle, you can totally still name one of your daughters Rachel. I mean, it isn't like they'd be first cousins--just second cousins.

    And look, we have two Heathers in our first cousins. Two Rachels as second cousins shouldn't be a problem, either. :)

    Josie also has a second cousin named Josie (on the Hancock side) and they both love having the same name. They're a few years apart.

    So, in short, I don't care if you use the name after I've used it...but you don't have to if you want her name to be unique.

    Anyway...just so you's still totally available to you. :) It's a cute name.

  5. Yay! Good to know! We have officially added it to our list...

    I hoped you'd say that! :)

  6. *Sigh* I still can't find the original poem! So I'm going to write down what I can recall...

    ...because what kind of dork would leave a toilet on my porch?
    But when I found out it was you
    I didn't say, "Oh, pooh!"
    I said, "Yip-PEE! I am so very Hap-PEE!"

    And that's all I can remember, which is a crying shame, because this poem should go down in history. I think I have a picture of the poem in my wedding pictures somewhere...but I'm not sure where those are either (curse our peripatetic lifestyle and moving a billion times).