Wednesday, May 20, 2009

There's a monster in my

Not last night but the night before I woke up in the middle of the night for an ordinary pregnancy reason: I had to go to the bathroom...again. I walked through the dark of the living room and flicked on the bathroom light. I hate going to the bathroom in the dark here because of the cockroach factor. We really don't have much of a problem with them since we plugged our drains, but there are some drains that you just can't plug, like the toilet, and I always just worry that I'm going to come face to face with some huge, hideous beast of a cockroach.

Of course, it would be dark, right? So I wouldn't actually know that I'd come face to face with a cockroach I would just know that I came face to face with a something. Coming face to face with a "something" in the dark is even scarier than coming face to face with a gigantic cockroach.

That's why I turn on the light. So that just in case there is a cockroach it can run away and hide from me instead of the other way around.

With the light on and no scurrying motions detected, I walked over to the toilet and peeped in. Why? Because I'm totally afraid that a cockroach (or even a rat) might just be swimming around in there. It doesn't really help a whole lot when I do this at 3 AM because I don't put on my glasses at 3 AM for anything short of a life or death situation, ergo I'm basically blind.

Luckily (or not) I can still see blobs of contrasting color, even without my glasses on, so when I peered into the toilet I could tell that something was in there. Something about as big as my index finger, only wider, and darker. I leaned closer and squinted to see if I could tell what it was. Then I leaned even close and squinted even more. Then I...

To make a long story short, when I was just about kissing the toilet seat I realized that I had come face to face with my nemesis--that huge, hideous beast of a cockroach I had been dreaming about for months was floating around in my toilet.

Unsure if it was alive or dead, and unwilling to investigate by myself, I went and prodded Andrew until he woke up.

"There's a cockroach in the toilet and I really have to go...!" I whispered urgently.

Without grunting or complaining or explaining to me how it was possible to "go" even when there was a cockroach in the toilet, Andrew got out of bed and came to the bathroom with me. That's just one of many ways I know he loves me. He confirmed the cockroach was dead and, after several failed attempts, flushed it away.

It must have died swimming around the pipes in our apartment building and decided our toilet would be a nice location to make its final viewing. I hope that wherever you end up, dear cockroach, that you don't end up back in my toilet. RIP.


  1. Blech. You know how I getting up in the middle of the night right? Stories like this don't help. Nor does the fact that my bed is now 5 feet in the air, and I literally have to climb out of it. Also, I live in a basement, which means more bugs. I see one on average every other day.

    So yeah. Thanks for that. ;)

  2. Sounds familiar. I'm not even going to share any of my phobias or experiences, however unrealistic or far fetched they sound. Dude, stuff happens. But, needless to say, to HAVE TO have the light on when I pee at night.

  3. I don't pee in the dark for the exact same reason. I've never even seen a cockroach in my house, or any house I've lived in for that matter. Still, it's against my policy to pee on anything that is (or was) alive.

    Josh would have probably "saved a flush" and aimed to pee on the thing.....boys are grosser than girls. And I'm glad Andrew rescued you.

  4. @Amy - Actually, Nancy sanitized that part of the story.

    Before doing a visual test to see if it was alive, I did, um, what Josh would have done. The thing didn't move, even in the stream of body fluid, so it got flushed.

    And I'm sure you all wanted to know that. It's Amy's fault. She dragged it out of me :)

  5. :) Sometimes wives lie about their husbands on their blog because they love them. It's to make up for all the horrible things we say about you on other people's blogs (as is clearly exhibited here).

    Either way, I'm glad to know Josh isn't the only one....

  6. Way to go Andrew and Josh! I am not someone who grew up on a farm where we had to haul water and had a septic tank for nothing, and I think you guys are awesome for not wasting a flush! Rock on!