Thursday, June 21, 2018

Floor Ice Cream Scandal

While Andrew was dishing out ice cream this evening, I was flipping through the little instruction/ideas manual that came the science kit Benjamin got for his birthday. It claims to have "over 50 ideas!" does. But more than half of them require items not included in the kit. Some ideas only include items not included in the kit. And that thing is rife with spelling words.

In the middle of my criticism of this booklet, Andrew flipped a gigantic scoop of ice cream out of the container. It flew through the air and fell on the floor.

I snorted and laughed, "Honestly..."

Andrew examined the glob of ice cream and announced, "It's fine."

He plopped it in a bowl and continued scooping. I continued to tell him the silly things the science booklet was instructing us to do.

"Cut a small strip of regular white coffee filter paper and put it to your tongue. Keep it on your mouth for 5 seconds. Now you know what regular paper tastes like," I read.

But, honestly, I think every child knows what regular paper tastes like already. And why does it have to be coffee filter paper. Why not just regular paper?

The point of that exercise, in case you were wondering, is that approximately 70% of people in the world (according to our booklet) can taste the bitterness of a PTC strip. So, once you taste regular paper and then taste a PTC strip you'll know whether you fall into that 70%. (This 70% thing checks out on Wikipedia, so that's reassuring).

The book also tells you how to make a red cabbage indicator (hint: boil red cabbage) but then doesn't tell how to use it, so you'll just be left with a pot full of cabbage water wondering why.

One of the other "over 50 ideas" is to use one of the test tubes to hold a flower that you've picked from your garden. Yet another "idea" is to use the test tubes to pack shampoo for your next vacation...because science? Sure. We'll go with that.

Honestly, Benjamin has been enjoying his science kit, so I suppose it was a good gift, but they're definitely reaching to get 50+ ideas.

By now I'll bet you think I've forgotten all about that ice cream. Ha! So did Andrew!

"Here you go," he said, sliding a bowl of floor ice cream towards me.

"And...why do I get this bowl?" I asked (the cad)

"Because I love you," he answered.

"You love you serve me floor ice cream?!" I accused.

"I...what?" he asked innocently.

"Floor ice cream. You gave me the floor ice cream."

"What? No," he fumbled.

"Yes! You flipped a scoop of ice cream onto the floor, picked it up with your hand, looked at it and stuck it into this bowl."

"Oh. You noticed that?" he blushed.

I guess he thought my "Honestly..." remark was directed at the booklet and apparently his hushed, "It's fine..." was only him reassuring himself about the ice cream, which he then so chivalrously served to me.

"Yes, I noticed that!" I said.

"Oh. Well, I didn't give it to you on purpose," he said, trying to turn his charm on.

"Then why did you deny that the ice cream fell on the floor in the first place?" I asked, turning on my hero monologue voice. "Your Trumpian tactics will not work on me!"

But I ate the floor ice cream anyway because I honestly didn't care (and I just mopped the floor on Monday). It was a pretty funny exchange, however, because Andrew simply can't lie.


  1. Trumpian 😂 The kids know in this house if they want to see mom swear all they have to do is mention news articles about Trump. Also Andrew...ewww. Pretty sure ice cream falls into the not approved 5 second rule group. Of course I recently sucked oreo cookie and spit off of Sam's fingers when I had no napkin and I didn't want him to get it on I'd probably eat floor ice cream as well.