Monday, February 17, 2020

Murmurings

Yesterday the stake president came to our ward to announce that our ward is being ousted from the stake. We're not sure what's happening entirely—we'll be meeting with another stake(s?) in the next couple of weeks to hear all the juicy details—but we know that we'll no longer be part of our stake and thus that our building will no longer be in our stake so more likely than not we'll no longer be meeting at that building.

It's all speculation for now, but it's certainly not cheery speculation.

No one seems entirely thrilled by the idea of driving half an hour to get to church (even less thrilling is the thought of having to battle through rush hour traffic to get to the church on a weekday evening for church activities), but I am particularly un-thrilled.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: I hate driving. (*gasp*)

When we were considering moving to Atlanta (which, I mean, there wasn't a whole lot to consider) the traffic kept haunting me. So we purposely looked in a less densely populated area, an area decently close to the metro, an area with what we thought would have good schools, an area where I thought I could learn to drive all the places I needed to go even if it was all terribly intimidating.

Location, location, location!

Isn't that a line realtors use?

I thought we'd picked a good place but now I feel like everything I thought I might like about it has been taken away. So why are we even here? I mean, obviously we have to live somewhere and this place is better than no place, but I'm rather disenchanted by it.


And I'm upset that I moved my kids here and they met kids at church and were excited about their new friends and then our ward split and we ended up in a different ward from a lot of the friends that (in particular) Rachel had made. They've done a pretty good job at cultivating a friendship despite not being in the same ward or same school or same anything—but at least we were in the same stake and in the same building and, for a while, combined with them for YW activities. But now we're not even going to be in the same stake as those people.

And we have to drive for half an hour to get to church when there is a church building right down the street (things would be entirely different if that long of a drive was our only option but it clearly is not, though inevitably, it seems, it will be). I don't want to "expand my bubble" over there. It's farther away than orchestra. I hate driving to orchestra. I do it, but I hate it. The thought of having to drive out that far more than one time a week is really "harshing my vibe" (as the cool kids say).

I mean, I don't even particularly enjoy driving right down the street for church activities in the evening. Again, I do it. I don't love it, but I do it. But that was a huge draw for the house we ended up in: that the drive was something I felt was manageable.

(Everyone in our ward when they find out where we live, "Oh! That's so close to the church!" Me: "Not. An. Accident.")

Our prospective drive does not feel manageable to me. I'm super looking forward to all the panic attacks I'm going to have over church activities. It's going to be just so neat (shhhhhh...to everyone thinking, "Then just don't have a panic attack over it, duh" because that's not the way any of this works; I'm doing the best that I can).

A friend of mine posted on Facebook that she's super excited for this change and to just "be where the Lord wants her to be." (Side note: our daughters are singing that song in church next Sunday so she just feels it's all so providential. I don't feel that way.)

I feel like we had to uproot our family to move to Utah and that was hard.

And then we had to endure two years of instability, which was hard.

And then we had to uproot our family and move to Atlanta, which was hard...but exciting and I thought, "At last. We can have some stability. The kids can really dig in and make friends and..."

No! Instead we just feel like we're being floated around with no place to be, unable to form real and lasting friendships, and I am not really loving it.

And I really wanted to love it (but I'm tired of having to try so hard to love it).

So that's how I'm feeling.

I feel a little bit silly about feeling this way because I've always found it to be a little eye-rolly when people complain about changes to boundaries. But I guess I've reached the time in life where a new fridge makes me happy and a new layout in the grocery store makes me feel angry.

I know that in the long run we'll be fine, but right now I'm just tired and I want something (anything will do) to be easy. *sigh* But I guess we'll just go and do.

*******

A little murmuring never hurt anybody, right? Riiiiiight?! (Asking for a friend).

3 comments:

  1. That's ridiculous that they won't let you attend church just down the road and instead you have to uproot your family from those ties and go a half hour away! I think I'd rebel and go wherever I wanted. I'm sorry your family has had such a tough go of Georgia living. :(

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    1. I advocated rebellion, too! We think alike, Susanne.

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  2. Hahaha! I will try to be patient until we find out exactly what's happening (but none of the rumours are remotely cheering). :D

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