Sunday, November 08, 2009

If you don’t give a 2-year-old a muffin…

“Give me my muffin!” she bellowed again, holding out her hand to further emphasize the demand that I relinquish the muffin, as if using the word “my” somehow automatically shifted ownership from me to her.

“Open up your mouth and I’ll give you a bite,” I countered.

“NO!” she screamed, “Give! Me! My! Muffin!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Daddy intervened, “Who said it was your muffin?”

“I want my muffin! Give it to me! I want it! It’s mine!”

“If you want a muffin I can get you a muffin, but you need to go sit down at the table and ask for one nicely,” I told her.

“I want MY muffin!” she screamed, “That’s MY muffin!”

I raised the half-eaten muffin to my mouth an took another bite, needlessly taunting her.

“Noooo!” she wailed, “Don’t eat my muffin! Give it to meeeeeee!”

“No,” I said simply, “It’s not your muffin. It’s Mommy’s muffin. And you’re not talking nice.”

I took another bite.

“Noooo! Don’t!” she protested, “Don’t eat it! Don’t—it’s my muffin! It’s mine!”

“Last bite,” I said, bringing the muffin to my mouth. I paused when she started screaming again.

“Don’t do it! Don’t eat my muffin! No, no, no! That’s mine!”

“I can get you one for you,” I offered again, “But this one is Mommy’s”.

“Nooooo! I want that one! Give me! Give me! Give me!”

I raised my eyebrows and popped the last bite in my mouth, somewhat snarkily, then licked my fingers.

She unleashed all her rage and came hurtling towards me, limbs flaring, teeth bared, screaming like a banshee.

“You! Ate! My! Muffin! You! Ate! My! Muffin! You…!”

My life flashed before my eyes.

I would have been a goner for sure if Andrew hadn’t come to my rescue. He lifted her up by the waist and carried her off to her room uttering a simple,

“Time. Out.”

Her arms and legs were still going a hundred miles an hour and she screamed the whole way. In the end I got a nice apology, complete with a hug and kiss, and she got her muffin—after she asked nicely.

And that is life with a two-year-old.

It’s a darn good thing they’re so cute the other half of the time…


  1. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Seriously, I'm laughing out loud.

  2. Unfortunately the ratio only increases, pretty soon it won't be half and half.

  3. So, wait...they get cuter, right? RIGHT?!

  4. I laughed so hard at's all too familiar to me!
    About a month ago I was sitting on the floor doing some reading and snacking on some Pringles. Connor came in to see what I was doing and immediately took possession of MY chips!! lol
    I took one out of the bowl, popped it in my mouth and with outstretched hand, using my very own "Mom voice" he said "pit it out!". I was laughing and choking too hard to have the sharing talk with him so he got a free pass on that one lol

  5. Bahaha!
    I think you need to read the following.

    Toddler's Rules of Ownership
    1. If I like it, it's mine.... Read more
    2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
    3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
    4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
    5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
    6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
    7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
    8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.

    You fell victim to numbers 1 and 8, and maybe almost 3.

  6. We are in that exact same stage with T. Just this morning it was a particular cup that was "his" followed by the tantrum.

  7. mine was this morning I gave Katie a green plate that according to her it was Tyler's because it was not pink so she threw it at me and said she wanted pink.... I told her, I guess you cannot eat since you do not have a plate so she went and got the green plate after all....