Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Ramblings of an overtired housewife

I just wrote an entire blog post and then deleted it. It was too melancholy. I think I'm just worn out today. Probably because my children rarely let me sleep—I was up every two hours last night, switching off between Benjamin (who is usually up every four hours) and Miriam (who was apparently also having a rough night). It didn't help matters that the kids were barely going to bed at 10:00 last night. They just would not stay put!

Rachel and Miriam were fighting about everything so eventually I took Miriam out and told her she could colour at the kitchen table while Rachel fell asleep. This was clearly an injustice to Rachel and so she pouted in her room, forcing herself to stay awake until Andrew came home so that she could complain about it to him. He explained the same thing that I had explained: Miriam took a long nap and wasn't tired enough to fall asleep so we were giving Rachel the opportunity to fall asleep alone before putting Miriam to bed. That way they wouldn't bug each other and everyone would live happily ever after.

I'm not sure Rachel was ever entirely convinced this was true, but fifteen minutes later she was out like a light. I spent those fifteen minutes colouring with Miriam in the Rudolph colouring book (we've been sneaking Christmas in where we can, right from under Andrew's nose).

I remember doing that with my mom a time or two when we lived in Burnaby and they're rather warm memories.

The thrill of getting to stay up late (when your siblings have already been put to bed), the joy of having Mommy to yourself, the smell of crayons wafting through the air... Somehow those three things combine to form lasting memories. For me, at least. I think they will for Miriam, too, because when Andrew walked in the door (before Rachel was asleep (because she was still just pouting in her room)) Miriam quietly, but excitedly, announced, "Look! I'm colouring at night!"

We put her to bed after Rachel'd fallen asleep and she fell asleep just fine, though she woke up in the middle of the night whimpering and ended up spending the rest of the night in our bed.

In the morning I asked her why she'd gotten into bed with us. She searched for an answer for a few minutes before settling on, "Uh, because I love you!"

I love her, too, but I also love her to sleep in her own bed. I realize I could have gotten up and put her back to bed but that would have required getting up...

I'm reminded of a poem my mom used to recite to me (a chronic bed-climber-into):

I love you, I love you!
I love you divine.
You sleep in your bed,
And I'll sleep in mine.

Truthfully, both Miriam and Rachel have been excellent (lately) about staying in their own beds until morning. Benjamin hasn't been but that's to be expected. We've actually only just begun experimenting with letting him put himself to sleep.

I'm not the sort of person who trains my kids to sleep through the night at a few weeks old, obviously (Benjamin has only put himself to sleep twice—both last night and tonight I put him into bed while he was still somewhat awake instead of completely asleep). I suppose I'd be much better rested if I did, but the truth of the matter is that I like cuddling with my babies so much that I'd rather nurse/rock/sing them to sleep than have them put in a room all alone to fall asleep. It only lasts a little while before they naturally pull away from their parents so I'll take the baby snuggles while I can get them.

It seems like just yesterday I was banging my head on the wall over trying to get Rachel to go to sleep (she was the worst sleeper ever (and is the one who turned me off of "sleep methods" because zero of them worked for her and I only stopped being stressed out about it when I decided to stop trying and just let her be)) and now she (usually) goes to bed at bedtime, sleeps in her own bed, never asks to be carried, and is beginning to declare that she's too old to hold hands.

Speaking of "just yesterday," I told Rachel this morning, while I was helping Benjamin go potty, that "it seems like just yesterday I was holding her on this very same potty!"

"No way!" she said. "I didn't use that potty yesterday!"

"Of course you didn't," I said.

"But you said..."

"I know. That means that I can remember so clearly when you were my little baby that sometimes it's weird that you're so grown up already."

She didn't understand. Neither did I at her age. We both have a long way to go in our growing up, but right now it all seems to be happening so quickly...

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