Sunday, December 02, 2007

Christmas light warnings

We just finished putting up our Christmas lights. They look pretty good. Not like these ones, but they do spruce up our neighborhood a bit. On our short drive to stake conference this evening we got to see all the lights that our "mature" neighbors have up. I say mature because I mean that people with full-time jobs and big families live in those houses. It was very pretty and Christmasy.

To stick our lights to our windows, and I wouldn't suggest doing this in a very cold climate, we used a glue gun. It works really well and is easy to clean up when it comes time to take them down again.

We drew stars on the window with dry erase markers--after having fun doodling for a bit, of course. We were nervous about trying it so we made a teeny tiny mark on the window. When that erased we went to town. They always draw on windows on TV so we figured it would work in real life. It does and it was a lot of fun!

After we had our picture on the window we just glued the lights where we wanted them. It was much easier than last year when we painstakingly measured everything out and our star still ended up looking pretty crummy. This year they look at lot cheerier.

Since Rachel arrived, I've been paying more attention to warnings and things. Warnings like: "Do not stick needle in baby's eye." I made that one up myself. It's a good one, I think. (No, I'll never let it go. I feel terrible about it).

There was a warning on the box for the Christmas lights that I failed to read last year:

PROP 65 WARNING - Handling the coated electrical wires of this product exposes you to lead, a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer, birth defects and other reproductive harm. Wash hands after use.

I have two things to say about this. First, I'm glad I don't live in California where this chemical can cause cancer and birth defects. Utah is, apparently, safe. Second, I probably should have read this last year when I was pregnant. I'm quite sure I didn't wash my hands after using them last year. Well, I did wash my hands. In fact, I've washed my hands several times since then...I just didn't purposefully wash-wash them after putting up the lights last year. As far as we can tell though, Rachel is normal. (I won't even get into the grammar for this warning...)

We also noted that our firewire cable has a friendly tip on it as well. It says, and I'm not even joking:

If you need to detain a burglar until the authorities arrive, this firewire cable can render approximately three perpetrators immobile when properly hog-tied.

It then gives the number 1-800-GEEK-SQUAD. I'm pretty sure that's the crisis hotline for people who can't hog-tie but need to learn in a jiffy. What else could you expect from a place called Geek Squad?

I have a feeling they are making fun of all the warnings and instructions that companies have to put on their products nowadays to avoid being sued. Sometimes those things are downright hilarious.

Like my sheets. My sheets say, "Iron when necessary." Because, you know, I often find myself embarrassed and self-conscious about how wrinkly my sheets are. Perhaps even better than that is that my hot pads tell me the same thing.

I also like how my iron kindly reminds me not to "iron clothes on self."

Then there are all the reminders on baby products. Rachel's soothers, hair brushes, and toothbrush all say to not allow her to play with them. So, if she takes the soother out of her mouth and holds it in her hand to look at it (that is Rachel playing), should I take it away?

Her exersaucer has so many warnings on it I'm afraid she's not supposed to do much of anything in it. Do not spin baby....Do not allow baby to stand.... What else do you do in an exersaucer?

There are a lot of funny product labels out there. I might just sit back, look at my stunning Christmas lights and read a few while laughing out loud with my husband. Could life get better?


  1. wow, the cord actually said that about detaining a burglar...that's so funny! One of my favorites is on some baby strollers "Do not fold up with baby inside" Ha Ha Ha, I always think to myself that someone must have done it before....

  2. So, hot glue, huh? I always have good intentions to hang Christmas lights up in my windows because I love the way they look. But then when the dumb suction cups/tape/chewing gum keep falling off because the window is so cold, I get frustrated and throw in the towel. I think you may have just solved that predicament for me! The Christmas spirit thanks you.