So, tomorrow morning, which I guess is today, if I tell you that I don't need help, that I'm okay, that everything's fine....you can go ahead and commit me.
Everything is not alright. My baby woke up yesterday before 10:00 am. She and I took a nap from either 2 to 3 or from 3 to 4 pm...I can't remember right now, but that's not relevant. It was an hour.
I tried taking a nap while my brother was babysitting, but I'll be honest, it didn't happen. Lucky for me though I got a nice 45 minute break from Rachel and Rachel wasn't allowed to nap.
Rachel slept from 10:00 pm until 10:30.
Rachel slept from 11:00 until midnight.
It's 3 o'stinkin' clock in the morning and the girl is STILL up.
She's in her swing.
I can't sleep. All I can hear is the incessant grinding of the engine of her swing. It's driving me crazy. She has her eyes closed. I think she's asleep. I turn the swing off and her eyes pop open. Back on goes the swing.
I nursed her from 2 am until after 2:30. Every time I coughed, she'd wake up, if she was even asleep in the first place.
I nursed her until 3:03. She came off, looked at me, cooed and then latched on again.
I nursed her until 3:07. She came off, looked at me, cooed and I turned over. No more. She's not hungry. Andrew put her back in the swing.
Andrew has a test at 7 in the morning. He hasn't slept much either. Every time I close my eyes, I have nightmarish images pop into my head. I keep dreaming he gets in a horrible car crash, due to lack of sleep, and he dies. And that would be horrible because he promised to make me laugh everyday. I don't think I could laugh if my dream came true and that would make Andrew a complete liar and a liar he's not.
I can't sleep. I can't sleep with the baby crying. I can't sleep with the swing grinding. I can't sleep when every time I close my eyes, I dream my husband just died. I can't sleep because when I lie down my sinuses hurt even worse than they do when I'm sitting up.
I don't know what to do. We even let her scream in her room for a very long time, but Rachel has endurance. If there were an award for endurance crying, she'd win it. Maybe I'll make her one. Put it in her bedroom. Make her look at it everyday for the rest of her life. Blame her for every time I act a little bit crazy.
"See, Rachel, see what you've done to me?"
I suppose it would have been alright that she did this to us tonight had she not done it the last few nights as well. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't think it would be possible for me to become any more tired.
All I have to say is this: if there's no tooth at the end of this little "phase," so help me, there will be no tooth fairy when she starts to lose her teeth. And if she whines about it because all her little friends get a quarter for their missing teeth, I will tell her,
"Girl! You should owe us money for that tooth! Do you know how many nights I lost sleep over that tooth? Now pay up!"
Yes, that's exactly what I'll do. If she stays up tomorrow night as well I think I'll start charging her interest, too.
Now, I'm going to attempt to go to sleep again. Perhaps on the couch where I've allowed myself to come and scream into the pillows several times already this long and dreadful night.
First thing in the morning, I'm calling grandma.
Oh, dear. I feel like the girl from Labyrinth. What is it that she says?
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young girl whose stepmother always made her stay home with the baby. And the baby was a spoiled child, and wanted everything to himself, and the young girl was practically a slave. But what no one knew is that the king of the goblins had fallen in love with the the girl, and he had given her certain powers. So one night, when the baby had be particularly cruel to her, she called on the goblins for help!
Goblin: [inside the closet] Listen!
"Say the right words," the goblins said, "and we'll take the baby to the castle, and you will be free!" But the girl knew, that the Goblin King would keep the baby in his castle for ever and ever and ever, and turn it into a goblin! And so the girl suffered in silence. Until one day, when she was tired from a day of housework, and she was hurt by the harsh words of her stepmother, and she could no longer stand it...
I can bear it no longer! Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever you may be take this child of mine far away from me!
Goblin: That's not it! Where did she get that rubbish? It doesn't even start with "I wish!"
Well, then the girl says that she really does wish that the Goblin King would come and take the baby away. And he does.
But I won't say that because I love my baby very much and so I don't really want the Goblin King to take her away. Perhaps he already has though because she kind of reminds me of a goblin right now.
I know in the morning she will be cute again. Like magic. And I'll still love her as much as I always have even though she causing me so much grief right now. I even love her right now even though she's being a little unreasonable.
So, everything's fine. I'm okay. I don't need any help.
Just kidding. I'm still calling grandma.